3 Important Tips for Dealing with Walter Bishop
by StoryDiva
Summary: Astrid and her dealings with Walter. Written for catchallathon. Short. Complete.


**Three Important Tips for Dealing with Walter Bishop**  
_From the Desk of Astrid Farnsworth_

_**Tip # 1: Names aren't important to crazy geniuses, so learn to answer to pretty much anything.**_

"Good morning, Adrianna," Walter greeted Astrid. He looked up from his microscope with a bright smile. He motioned to the table and said, "I made you some ice cream. It's chocolate, your favorite."

Astrid dropped her bag onto her makeshift desk, cluttered with random scribblings that Walter thought it important to share with her. She glanced down at the paper cup filled with chocolate ice cream and couldn't help but smile. She shook her head. "It's almost amusing that you can remember my favorite ice cream flavor, but not my name."

Walter stared at her blankly for a moment before replying, "I think I perfected the recipe this time." He shoved a spoonful of ice cream into his mouth, making indecent noises.

Things like this used to bother Astrid before working with Walter Bishop. Now she accepted them as part of the eccentricities of a genius and rolled with it for the most part. She couldn't decide if that was a good thing or not, but with all she had seen since getting assigned to Agent Dunham's team, Dr. Bishop's inability to behave normally didn't seem too important in the grand scheme of things.

"Allison! This is splendid! Have you tried yours?"

"It's Astrid. I'm going to staple it to your lab coat one of these days."

"Please don't. I've never been a fan of buttons. I spend far too much time trying to make sense of the silly messages and pictures to concentrate on my work."

"I doubt it would make a difference anyway."

"I've never been very good with names. It used to drive my wife crazy," Walter replied. He smiled sheepishly and said, in an almost whisper, "And I believe it annoys my son as well." He took another bite of his ice cream and motioned excitedly to where hers was sitting. He said, "Eat! You must eat!"

Astrid picked up her cup of ice cream with one hand and the plastic spoon with the other. She glanced at it skeptically for a second – she was still recovering from Walter's experiment with recreating espresso – before taking a bite. She immediately smiled and closed her eyes.

"The look on your face leads me to believe that my creation is on the mark."

She took another bite, allowing the chocolate to linger on her tongue. "I think we should start every day like this, Dr. Bishop."

He waved her off and shot her that patent look of his that said she was a lovely-if-not-stupid-child. He said, "Don't be silly, dear. I didn't write down the recipe. It's long forgotten."

She sighed. "What are we going to do with you?"

"My son often has very unique answers to that question."

"Speaking of Peter, Agent Dunham and your son were meeting with Nina Sharp at Massive Dynamic to discuss some issues."

"Of what sort?"

Astrid shrugged and said, "I'm not privy to that information, but you should probably be ready for anything."

Walter grinned and said, "The universe is full of amazement and wonder, therefore I always attempt to be open to whatever comes my way."

Astrid nodded. There wasn't much she could say when Walter started talking like a fortune cookie. She sat down at her desk, booted up her computer, and scooped up another bite of ice cream.

_**Tip # 2 – Bringing up television, movies, books, or just about anything from his missing years never bodes well (especially if you're in a hurry).**_

"How can I be expected to concentrate on the necessary chemicals to make one invisible when you won't answer my question!" Walter hollered. He pushed his safety goggles up and walked around his lab table, arms crossed over his chest and eyes narrowing on Astrid.

"You need to focus, Dr. Bishop. Your son and Olivia need this information right away."

"But my mind can't…I'm unable to understand why anyone would want to do such things, let alone do them on television," Walter said. He shook his head and muttered, out loud, but more for himself, "It is an interesting sociological experiment, I surmise, but to undertake ridiculous tasks all for fleeting fame seems quite ridiculous to me."

Astrid regretted every mentioning _Survivor_ to Walter. Explaining that her tiredness was due to her need to watch the finale seemed like an innocuous thing…she really should've known better by now. After all, just last week he had spent two hours going on and on about the technology and convenience of the TIVO.

Astrid rested her head on her desk and groaned. Usually, she was able to get Walter to focus when it was important, months of watching Peter dealing with his father had helped, but there were some days – like today – when she wished she had almost any other assignment. Sometimes being a junior agent sucked.

"Dr. Bishop, it's a television show. It doesn't really matter in the scheme of things."

"Of course it matters! Years and years from now when our ancestors are trying to make sense of us, they will look to things like reality television to grasp a better meaning of our lives."

"That's just frightening."

He pointed at her. "Indeed! People being lecherous for a few bucks and celebrity…quite horrible."

"Would you like to see this show?"

He grinned and nodded excitedly. "Of course!"

She typed in the address of her favorite torrent site. "If you get back to work on this invisibility issue, I'll get a hold of it for you to study when we're done. Think of it as a reward for a job well done."

"But we have no idea if I'll be successful in my duties or not."

"Let's just assume you will be."

He nodded and said, "Given my track record, that is a fair assumption."

She stood up, took Walter's arm, and led him back over to his work station, where a bottle of some red liquid was beginning to overflow. She took a deep breath and said, "That looks done."

"Not nearly."

"Well, do something with it before it overflows and creates chaos."

He smiled at her, a warm grin that made some of her frustration fade away. He said, "Also a fair assumption."

_**Tip # 3 – Fights are not to be tolerated. At least not when you're around.**_

"Her name is Astrid! She doesn't want to try your homemade whipped cream and it's not her job to provide you with all the music by Neil Diamond you missed out on during the last twenty years," Peter hollered. He crossed the room until he was right up in his father's personal space and pointed his hand in Walter's face. "Stop harassing her and get back to your experiment."

Walter simply looked from Peter to Astrid and back again. He looked at Peter and said, "Such a waste of potential." Walter turned his attention to Astrid and continued, "Did I ever tell you how brilliant Peter was as a child?"

"Not this again," Peter muttered.

Astrid stood there, unsure what she was supposed to do. Walter needed to be working on figuring out the science behind the latest batch of murders they were investigating. Peter knew this as well though, and she really didn't want to get between the two of them when they looked ready to kill anyone who came along.

She yelled at herself. She had survived worse in her life than two neurotic geniuses. She folded her arms across her chest, calling up the best image of her mother when she was angry with Astrid, and pushed herself between Peter and Walter. She said, "That's it! The two of you are driving me crazy! Peter, sit your ass in front of that piano and play Fur Elise for the billionth time…"

"…but…"

"Because it will shut your father up long enough for him to figure this out. And that's what's important right now. Save your daddy issues for later," she said sternly, pointing to the piano in the middle of the office. Peter opened his mouth as if to respond, but she glared at him and stomped her foot.

It elicited a giggle from Walter and she spun around to face him. She narrowed her gaze on him and replied, "Don't act like you're Mr. Innocent in all of this, Dr. Bishop. You've been purposefully egging your son on all morning."

"I have not."

"Either way, it's about to stop right now. Get back to those slides and figure out what's wrong, or there will be no more trips to the grocery store for Kit Kats and Yoo Hoo. Do you understand?"

He smiled wistfully. "You remind me of my mother, lunatic that she was, ran over my dog once because it wouldn't stop barking."

"Back to work, Doctor."

"I've almost got it figured out anyway," Walter responded. He closed his eyes as the music from the piano filled the air. His expression changed to one of utter calm. "It is one of my favorite sounds."

"That's great. Concentrate on the murders."

"Yes, yes. Of course. We don't want more people having their heads explode randomly. It's quite gruesome," he replied. Walter stepped closer to her and wrapped his arms around her in an awkward hug. He said, "You are a lovely assistant."

"I'm not you're…" her voice trailed off. She knew it would be lost on Walter. "Thank you."

He pulled away and went back to his work area, humming along with the music as Peter played. Astrid glanced at the two of them – both were smart, caring, and completely nuts – and wondered, not for the first time, how she had ended up in the middle of all of this. She supposed it didn't really matter. It was her assignment and despite his eccentricities and insanity, Walter Bishop was saving people's lives. And she was helping him.

She just had to remind herself of that on days like this.

_{Fin}_


End file.
